Does my need for Setsuko come merely from sexual appetite? No! Never!
My love for her has sobered. That's a fact, a deplorable but inevitable fact.
But love is not all one's life. It's part of it. Love is a pastime. It's like singing. There are times when every person, no matter who, wants to sing. And while he's singing, he's happy. But man cannot merely keep singing his entire life. And if he continues to sing the same song, he'll get fed up with it, no matter how pleasant the tune. Moreover, there are times when he can't sing no matter how much he wants to.
My love has cooled. I have stopped singing that oncedelightful song. But the song itself does remain a delight. It must be so forever.
It's true that I have grown weary of singing only that song. But that does not mean I have developed a dislike for it. Setsuko is really a good woman. Where in the world is there another like her, good, gentle, steady? I could never think of having a better wife than Setsuko. Yes, I have longed for other women besides her. And there have been times when I wanted to sleep with other women. As a matter of fact, I sometimes thought about sleeping with other women while I was sleeping with Setsuko. And I have—I have slept with other women. But what does that have to do with Setsuko? It doesn't mean I was dissatisfied with her. It merely means that man's desires are not simple. I love her now just as much as I did in the past. The person I have loved most has been, after all, Setsuko, though she has not been the only one I have loved. Even now—especially of late—I have frequently longed for her.
Is there any other wife in the world that has been placed in as miserable a circumstance as Setsuko?
The present system of matrimony—all the social systems—full of error! Why must I be shackled because of my parents, my wife, my child? Why must my parents, my wife, my child, be sacrificed for me? But all that is quite different from the fact that I love my
parents and Setsuko and Kyōko.