I had felt, "A wasted day!" Somehow, though, I was afraid to continue with that line of thought. The top of my desk was a mess. Since I had no books to read, the only task at present was to write some letters to my mother and others, but I was equally afraid to do that. I always feel as though I want to console those pitiful people by writing something to please them, anything at all. I haven't forgotten my mother and wife—far from it, I think about them every day. Nevertheless, I wrote them only one letter and a card this year. Setsuko mentioned this in her letter the other day. She's still working at the school that she had intended to resign from in March. She said that even though it was only the beginning of the month, she had only twenty sen to give Kyōko for her allowance. That was why I borrowed from the company a little more than the advance I needed. I had intended to send her fifteen yen out of it. And while I kept hesitating to write, a day passed, then two.... Oh God!
I went to bed at once.